Marquis Sightseers Tour (part one)

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Caravan magazine in the Blue John Cavern

Read part two of this Caravan magazine tour

Read part three of this Caravan magazine tour

Caravan magazine and Marquis take to the trecherous route of touring duo Chris and Tina from the caravanning comedy Sightseers

Also read: Part two Part three Caravanning advice Caravans for sale

The route that the main characters of Sightseers, brummies Chris and Tina, follow in their Abbey Cachet caravan is a corker – so good in fact that Hackers and I decided to retrace their steps, taking in many of the wonders of the Peak District, Yorkshire and Cumbria…

Hopefully, without the murderous tomfoolery of the film en route.

Marquis of Billing

Our journey begins at the Marquis dealership in Billing, Northants where we collect a Majestic 504 special-edition tourer. This is basically an Xplore 504 from the Explorer Group (Elddis, Buccaneer, Compass) with plenty of Marquis extras thrown in for good measure.

After the best-ever caravan briefing by Marquis staff, we’re soon on the road and heading up the M1 to Derbyshire – first stop the Crich (pronounced Cry-ch, as we were quickly informed) Tramway Village.

I’ll be honest, trams aren’t something that I thought I’d find interesting, but this ‘living museum’ is compact, brilliantly laid out and crammed with trams and other relics from a bygone era. It also has picnic and play areas, exhibitions, a Peak’s mining display and a woodland sculpture walk. There’s easily enough here to fill half a day for all the family.

Approaching Crich, we had noticed a ‘lighthouse’ on a cliff above the museum. As we were 100 miles from the sea, this was intriguing indeed… A serious navigational cock-up maybe – or possibly inspired forward-thinking as the Polar icecaps melt?

Leaving the outfit in the very car park where Sightseers Chris reversed his Abbey Cachet over the first victim, we walk round to investigate. And what we discover is astonishing. See it in our tour video!

Lest we forget

Just 400 yards away, we find a long ascending driveway. It turns out this is Crich Hill, and a tower, in various guises, has stood in this dramatic location since 1760.

Most recently, in August 1923, the current gritstone tower was opened as a memorial to the regimental soldiers lost in various conflicts, including the Crimean War and World War I (during which a jaw-dropping 11,409 Sherwood Foresters were killed).

The tower sits at 955 feet above sea level. The crowning dome weighs some 40 tons and would have been man-handled to the top of the 64-foot high structure, while the £2382 cost to build it all was raised through public subscription. It has to be said that both the effort and investment were well worth it as, almost 100 years, on there are few war memorials that are as dramatic or impressive.

Moment of reflection

We wind our way down to the A6 and head northwest for a few miles to the picturesque village of Cromford, with its pond and old mill. After stopping for photos, we drive on to Cratcliffe Tor – a dramatic gritstone outcrop favoured by climbers and photographers. This is similar to the rocks where the ginger-faced Chris dispatched his second victim in the movie.

We park on the A5056 at Dudwood Lane between Winstone and Haddon, and walk the short distance uphill to the crag. It’s November, but climbers are out practising. You don’t need ropes or any climbing ability to reach the top for spectacular views.

It’s a very pretty setting and a great place for a picnic in warmer weather.

Caravan magazine in Cromford

Date with a tart!

From the Tor, we head to Monsal Head via the pretty and bustling Derbyshire town of Bakewell. We take time here to rendezvous with some popular local tarts! In fact, both Ben and I partake – twice each. Yes, they really are that good. Those without corrupted minds will know straight away that I’m talking about the eponymous Bakewell tart – a divine combination of shortcrust pastry, jam and almond sponge that originated in the town sometime before 1845. It just has to be tasted, ideally with a nice cuppa.

It’s not long before the sun is low in the sky, so we just have time to dash 12 miles across the Peaks to the remarkable Blue John Cavern. It’s easy towing with wide roads and little traffic.

The surrounding monolithic landscapes are enhanced by the dramatic sidelong evening light as the sun slides over the horizon. It is a spectacular close to the day.

Keep an eye out

The Blue John Cavern could easily be missed in bad weather, as all that’s visible above the ground is a small hut, tightly recessed into the hillside. This building is the ticket office and shop – the real action begins out back, where a narrow doorway leads to steep stone steps that dive down deep below the Peak.

Handrails are provided so the descent, while a little claustrophobic, never feels unsafe. The narrow passage soon opens out to reveal a voluminous first cavern filled with ancient mining equipment. Rare semi-precious Blue John stone used to be mined here; the equipment is still on show and the stone walls are floodlit for maximum effect. Further on, the damp walls look like something out of the Alien movies, as dripping water creates organic-looking calcified deposits all over them.

Remembering childhood

Ben soon finds the incredible ‘balancing rock’ that he remembers from a family trip, and the ceilings of the cavern reach higher and higher, showing clear signs of the snaking underground waterways that carved these passages out of solid rock over millennia.

The Blue John Cavern is considered one of the finest examples in Europe in both scale and formations. Kids will undoubtedly love it, though access for the disabled is obviously limited.

The climb out of the cavern is a breathtaking one, due to the immense geological sculptures and the hundreds of steps. Worth it though.

It’s almost dark as we drive away from the cavern and head for our first stopover. It’s been a day full of surprises: stunning views, amazing history, inspiring man-made and natural ‘architecture’, but luckily no murders. Mind you, if Ben snores tonight, there may still be time!

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